Looking through my past posts I realize now that it has been over 6 months since my last entry. I think it really does add up as our summer was completely packed full of travel, weddings, camping, dinner parties, weekend getaways and so many more festivities. Now that I can look back on it, we took our baby cross country and back 3 times before she turned one. We discovered that although airlines allow you to bring an infant on your lap for free, that does not actually mean that is the best idea. Nope, really quite a nightmare. So three seats it is from now on. We attended 4 weddings. I had three bachelorette weekend getaways. Yup, that's right, my husband did those weekends solo with our baby and he handled it like a champ! He also attended three bachelor weekend getaways. We went camping together three times and once I went with baby girl on my own. Every one of these experiences was huge and strenuous and exhausting and so much fun. All said and done we were determined to have a bit of our "normal summer life" with a baby in tow and I think to say the least, we succeeded.
The biggest challenges over the last 6 months were, teething, traveling, and SLEEP training!
The following will be more information than you will probably ever want in terms of sleep training, but to those parents out there that are trying to find what works best for you and your baby, perhaps you will find one bit of knowledge that will inspire you or help you to work through such a big hurdle in yours and your babies life.
We had our baby sleeping in a co-sleeper/co-sleeping in our bed from day one through 6 months. As she started to roll and began slithering/crawling, we knew we could no longer let her stay sleeping in the co-sleeper. It wouldn't have been safe any longer as she could fall out without much effort. Soo, we started sleeping with her sandwiched in the middle of the bed. After just a few weeks of her rolling, kicking, twisting, squirming and waking easily by any noise or movements we made, we decided it was time to try having her sleep in her own room.
We had a low bed set up on the floor with pillows on the sides near the walls and the room was simple and baby proofed. Really, she transitioned to sleeping in there quite easily. We would lay next to her until she was asleep and then sneak away. The bed is twin sized and comfortable so it fit one adult and her comfortably. The hang up was that I spent most of my nights in her room with her and my husband was alone in our room. This was because she was waking at least every three hours to nurse throughout the night. It made it much easier for me to just stay in her room with her, after the first nursing of the night. After two months of this, we started to reconsider our plan. We had tried to do our own version of sleep training without caving and using a crib. We added more sleeping pads, pillows, blankets, soft rugs, etc to create what would feel like a large bed. We needed to begin weaning her from all the night nursing because it was getting to be more and more, which resulted in utter exhaustion for her and myself. After tons of research, discussing with other moms, reading and evaluating all the sleep training options we decided to try our own version of cry-it-out(CIO). We started with her bedtime routine. We stopped nursing her to sleep in her room, which was a new routine that we found ourselves stuck in. Instead we created a really nice routine, including a bath every night, followed by nursing in the living room, putting on her comfy pajamas and then we went upstairs, for books and bedtime. It took some time to finesse it all and as we tried all the options regarding leaving her to put herself to sleep, we found that going in and out of the room at timed intervals really only just made her more and more upset. So we were left to just one option, the cold turkey approach. Next we had to think about the middle of the night wakings and that was where we found ourselves cornered into considering a crib rather than the low bed. No matter what we did to make the room comfortable, she would wake up and crawl to the door and sit there crying out for someone to come and rescue her. Although her room was soft and comfy, it was just TOO heartbreaking to watch a very passionate minded 9.5 month old, feeling soo helpless and alone like that. We caved and borrowed a big Joovy Room2 portable crib from a friend... And so began our two week transitional sleep training routine.
The first night I had two very stiff vodka soda's to help calm me through the heart breaking cries. Shockingly she did work it out much faster than we had thought she would and put herself to sleep in about 20 minutes. Each time she woke up she would sit up or pull herself up to stand in the crib and cry out like the world was coming to an end. It made our hearts melt but again, we found ourselves greatly surprised by how quickly she would give up, curl up with her blankie and fall back asleep. All said and done it took about two weeks for her to begin sleeping through the night. No matter what the wee hours of the night felt like, she always woke up in the morning with a smile on her face like she had completely forgotten what had happened just hours before and ready for her day. Thank goodness babies don't know how or want to hold grudges. It really was a HUGE necessary change for all of us. My glazed eyes, began to feel normal again. I started to feel like I could take a deep breath and have some energy for the activities each day. We got our bedroom back and removed all the baby items which was a really refreshing change.
Probably the thing that made it hardest for me was thinking about something I read in a Dr. Sears book that said when you let babies CIO that they learn to accept being lonely. How terrible is that?! Luckily it seems that based on all the research I read and all of my closest mom-advisors, that there is no proven negative effects on the baby's emotional or psychological state if you let them CIO. We had to take into consideration how the lack of sleep and the separation at night was affecting our relationship and our patience as parents in general. It was the right decision for all of us.
There were quite a few hiccups along they way with our sleep training consistency.... We had more weddings and travel ahead! She adapted well to sleeping in new places, but did wake up in the middle of the night and DID scream out soo loudly that we found for the friends or family staying in the same house as us, it was inconsiderate to not pick her up and nurse her (at the very least to quiet her down). If it wasnt travel it was teething that through a jack knife into the sleep training. So, we just started back at zero every time we came back home. Really now if I could have planned it better (not that we had that choice to begin with), but perhaps I would have timed the pregnancy differently so she would be a bit older for the first summer (as it is our busiest time of year).
So here we are at 12 months and we have powered through all the summer activities (which was such a blast)! Baby girl learned to crawl with a vengeance, pull up to stand, cruise around objects, eat all kinds of solid foods, drink water from a cup, explore using utensils, find car rides slightly less traumatic and four more teeth presented themselves. She is saying Mamma, Dadda, Hi and uses many signs to express what she wants, needs or feels. She gives hugs and kisses and loves to cuddle her baby friends, teddy bears, pillows and blankets. She waves at everyone she sees and gives smiles that make it hard to ignore her. Today 10-11-16 we saw her take her first steps only when tricked into doing so! She has a very big and loud personality, so we are completely enthralled by her.
In our home time, we have continued to be ten steps behind her as she seems to be cruising right along. This is something that I think will always be the case, and we wouldn't change it if we could. The Montessori mom in me, feels guilty for some of the desperate changes we have made....But, the real-deal completely kick butt mom in me is so proud of where we have come and how we are doing.
My confessions: we use a booster seat that fully straps her in for her meals, most of the time now. We often just put food right on the tray in front of her, rather than on a plate or bowl and we use sippy cups for water, daily. She sleeps in a crib at night. She climbs on the work shelves every time I look away. She often needs to lay down for diaper changes, rather than standing at the bar with mirrors behind it.
My excuses: We still have the small table and chairs set up but she has such a HUGE sensitive period for climbing right now, that she fought sitting at the table every time we encouraged her to eat there. She loves the booster seat, it is higher up and we can give her meals while we cook, which is the reality of busy home life, after all. She LOVES to watch things fall to the ground, including cups, plates, bowls and silverware. So, rather than watching more items shatter on the floor and food be wasted, we are removing the dangerous items for the time being. The sippy cups around the house, allow her to drink water when she needs at any time of day without making a big mess or needing to communicate to me that she is thirsty. The crib has been a life-saver, a point of reference for sleep, a comfort and a blessing. We have NO regrets for this temporary change. (We do intend to keep doing daytime naps on the low bed downstairs and will switch back to the low bed upstairs when she seems ready to do so.) She is extremely energetic and no matter what climbing structure I introduce, she still chooses to climb on the work shelves. So, we model and encourage her not to as often as is reasonable. She has figured out the spagetti-limp-body movement for standing diaper changes, which leaves us with no option but to lay her on the changing mat instead.
With all of these things I keep reminding myself that everything is temporary. That as long as we still have the correct direction for encouraging independence, for using the child-sized materials and most importantly following our child's needs, that we are doing everything just as we should be.
She has flourished through her first year and after reflecting on it all, so have we. Here's to the following this little girl into her wobbler/toddler stage.
Look below to see some of the changes we made to our Montessori-Inspired constructive play space...
