Over the past few weeks I have probably opened and closed this page atleast a dozen times. I would have never thought it would be so impossible to write a short blog post here and there. I have also never desired to write about something as much as I want to right now, and yet it is the hardest task to accomplish. My day starts like this... Well it is hard to say when it starts and ends as it all really does blur together. Honestly I can't even remember which day of the week it is. At some point in the morning I either wake up to a crying baby in need of a diaper change and to be nursed or I wake to her stirring in her sleep, which means I make a quick nervous decision to quietly run down the stairs to the bathroom, or to wait until I finish with the 45 minute process, (diaper change, nurse, burp, cuddle, sleep) ahead before I take care of myself. These decisions that I used to make without thought are now some of the biggest challenges of my day. Do I hurry to shower? Do I have time to brush my teeth? Should I put the first load of necessary laundry in the machine? What about eating a meal, or refilling my water bottle... I had imagined this newborn time as a time of relaxing with my new baby and getting into the groove of the new and beautiful chapter in our lives. Sure, I have spent lots of quality time cuddling and loving her with every fiber in my body, but I can't help it if I want to try and accomplish a necessary personal task while she sleeps.
It took until about week 4 to realize that I needed to accept the fact that taking care of this baby and myself were the only things I should try to accomplish each day. Yet for some reason I still make a list each day, as my mind explodes with the to-dos that need to get done. What used to take me just a few hours to accomplish are now my full weeks tasks. I can't seem to let go. I should save my lists and put them in a baby book that I will someday look back upon and laugh. I am so sleep deprived that I have found myself writing things on my list like, take vitamins, brush hair, eat breakfast, etc. I must say it does feel good to check those things off!
Blah blah blah, I could go on and on ranting about the personal challenges of my day to day, but ill stop there. After all I only have a short unknown amount of time ahead to finish this post! (Which by the way, if you could see me right now, you would see a baby sleeping on my chest, as I frantically type away.) Yes this position on the couch is hurting my back, but I am determined to check this task off my list!
So, here are some interesting things I have learned over the last few weeks...
-Mastitis totally sucks and it comes out of nowhere! Yes, it does bring a fever with it and no, it is not harmful to your baby. Your chest swells, hardens and aches, but it is still recommended to have your baby nurse, which feels more uncomfortable than it did on day one. Luckily I expressed my milk, nursed my baby, massaged any hard lumps, took ibuprofen and listened to my midwife when she said, "you are sick, so consider yourself on bed rest for the next few days". 3 days later, my fever was gone, I had somehow avoided needing antibiotics and my baby was still well nourished.
-A red, raw diaper rash, could potentially mean you are eating too much acidic food.
-Eating dairy might be causing your baby to spit up more often than necessary.
-Breast milk is a magical thing. It heals wounds, diaper rashes and gives your baby all the nutrients she needs to live and grow.
-The changing table is one of the happiest places to be. Yes, it does put you at risk of being pooped on and may lead to feelings of discouragement as your baby chooses to sneeze as soon as you finish putting all her clothes back on. Yes, that sneeze did make her have another bowel movement, which means yes, you have to start the process all over again. But...it is also one of the sweetest times to connect with your baby. It is a special time for eye contact, verbal communication (cooing) and in general a hands free time to reset and connect with each other. It should be noted that the reusable wipe warmer and the blow dryer technique (see below) have definitely played a key role in keeping the experience quite positive for her.
-Using a blow dryer to dry your baby's bum during a diaper change, not only makes her relax and feel great, but it dries the skin, which helps to avoid a rash from forming. The amazing blow dryer also keeps your baby very calm and happy after a bath, as you attempt to dry her off before getting dressed... Such a game changer.
-Reflux is a yucky problem for you and your little sweetie. Yup, it causes your baby to spit up, vomit, choke, gag, gurgle and cry. Not to mention it means she will need to be held upright after nursing for 20 to 30 minutes as she digests. It also means burping is crucial and if you get lazy, you will see that milk come back up within the hour. It means you will always have to have your baby laying on a slight upright angle, because when she lays flat she will likely gag or choke. It means your a.m. nursing requires more time and effort than you have to give. Not to mention that you are now on a bland food diet. Good bye flavor and spice!
-Taking your baby in the car, may stress you out more than missing the event you are trying to get to.
-Remembering to smile at your baby, talk to your baby and smell the amazing newborn aroma of your baby are the golden rules that trump EVERYTHING else.
-It takes at least two hours to prepare for leaving the house and getting ready for bedtime. Time has become this elusive thing. There is never enough of it to do what you need or want to do. The day starts out in the wee hours of the dark morning and before you know it, it is dark again and well that means its time to start preparing for bed. Repeat.
-If you think you have gotten into a routine or a schedule it will suddenly be tossed out the window as your baby really is the one in charge of it.
-Studies on SIDS say lay your baby on their back to sleep. They go on to say, some of the reasons for this are that your baby will sleep less soundly and not as deeply this way. Therefore if something goes wrong with their breathing they are more likely to wake themselves up. So we do our very best to get our baby to sleep the most at night and to follow a nighttime ritual preparing for bedtime, all just so we can put her to sleep in a way that encourages her to wake herself up more easily. Something seems wrong here. (It should be noted that the only reason I have reached this length in this post is because my baby is sleeping on her belly on my chest...Am I risking SIDS to write this??)
My goals for the next month are to reflect and grow on what the last two months have taught me. I am going to challenge myself to let go, accept my new job and be comfortable with its beautiful simplicity. I have all the props and tools I need to stimulate my newborns brain. I have the love and encouragement of my friends and family. I have the most incredible, beautiful little person needing me for survival and I am extremely grateful I have what she needs.
Together we are embracing each day as a new and beautiful step forward in our relationship together. I was told once that each day in the first year of life helps to build a platform for the entire life to follow. With that in mind I find inspiration to see tomorrow as a new opportunity to focus on what really matters.